I hope I have improved in some ways, but no, I haven't lost the weight, or gotten into shape, and still struggle with the same old habits. Still, I am grateful for the insights I have gained through the years, for the friendships I have maintained and developed, and for a good family who loves me in spite of my shortcomings.
School was a lot of fun. I took cupcakes for all the kids, and they were most appreciative. I got lots of hugs, a bunch of homemade cards that were hysterically funny and poignant at the same time and heartfelt wishes from friends and family. Thank you everybody!! I feel loved.
I ordered pizza tonight after piano lessons, and everybody came over. Now, I must confess something. As I gazed fondly at my brood and commented, "It is soo nice to have all my kids together"---- Jess, my daughter-in-law, reminded me gently that Emily was not there...
Oops...I guess I really am starting into dementia. I love Emily more than anything. She is giving me my first grandchild next month. I pray for her nightly, yet forgot for the moment she wasn't in my living room. Sorry, Emily!! We are holding a baby shower for you on Saturday. You were missed once I realized you were not present!!!
It was great to have everyone together although Ben likes to have rousing debates, where he rules as "one who knows". I think he should go into politics. He was advising the younger kids on mission dos and don't among other controversial subjects which I will refrain from talking about here. Suffice it to say, he is knowledgeable about a great many things and leads a lively discussion.
I have been feeling a little nostalgic lately about every occasion being the last for a while, and tonight was no different. The boys are living up their final few weeks and hang out a lot with friends. It's not as though I expect us all to sit around and sing kumbaya together, but I rather thought that the boys could spend more time at home. Matthew is tired from working at Deseret Mills and does go to bed earlier and Mark is still dishing up ice cream at Farr's.
On Sunday, Bethany bore a powerful testimony of the Gospel, and I was again reminded of how special she is and how she inspires me to be a better person. She commented on the fact that it would be the last Fast Sunday that we were all together. Next month, we are hoping to go to St. George with the four kids for a few days before the boys leave on March sixth. Still, I remain in denial that it is just a few short weeks until we send them off for two years. I have lots of trepidation about that day, but I know that we will be so blessed for their desires to serve missions.
I have tried to tell them how hard it will be, and that it will not always be the adventure they are looking forward to.... I have had two missionary sons, and they came home with strong testimonies. They did, however, have lots of trials and doubts. They grew so much during those two years, and we, at home, grew from having them serve the Lord.
My friend Alisa has a son, Drake, who will be leaving in a week for the MTC. He will be serving in Russia and couldn't be more excited. Alisa and I commiserate together about the range of emotions we will feel when sending our babies off for two years. Drake is her oldest and my boys are my youngest. It is equally as hard for both of us. As mothers, we have nurtured these boys for the last eighteen or nineteen years, and it is hard to relinquish that job even as they grow into adulthood.
Tonight I felt just a little bit of satisfaction as Adam told me something I told him back in High School. He said there was a kid on the swim team that kind of bugged him. He suspected that he was gay. The boy was lonely, and a little obnoxious. I told Adam to go out of his way to show love and friendship to this boy as he was a child of God. "Just because he is different, doesn't mean you should treat him in any less of a way that you treat anybody else." Everybody is different in one way or another. Adam said he has always remembered that! Wow!! Maybe I did say something worthwhile now and then. I don't remember the incident at all....
I will miss my kids, and their friends. I will miss the laughter, the mess, and the complete chaos that exists in my home 24 hours a day. I won't miss coming out partially dressed to their friends eating at my kitchen table in the morning!!The next month will be very busy. Part of me wants to stop time for just a little while and hold off the inevitable, but even as I turn 57 years old and mourn my old life, I know that the future holds great things for the ones I love.
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