And the last Taylor Missionary is called to..........................

Last night in front of 600 boy scouts and staff members at Camp Bartlett in Montpelier, Idaho, Bethany opened her mission call.  Jerry, Emily and I had driven to the camp where she is working for a month as Director of the Rifle Range.  The call had come on Wednesday, and it lay on our dining room table even as Emily and I considered steaming it open!  In the end, integrity won out and we delivered it to her intact. As we pulled into the camp , Bethany was in the main parking lot, and she ran for us (or  perhaps the envelope) and took off running.  I will always have this wonderful memory of watching her run through the grass towards the crowd waving her call above her head where all all 600 boy scouts plus the staff members of Camp Bartlett waited for her.  She ran out to the center, and someone handed her the megaphone.  Someone motioned for Jerry and me to join her, and with trembling hands she opened the call.  Where was she to serve?  I had guessed California because it was stateside (since all her brothers and sister  had stayed in the states, I had no real feeling that Bethany would go elsewhere) it was warm and she loves California.  I was right!  She will serve in the California, San Fernando Valley Mission, leaving the ninth of October.  She will teach in the English language and perhaps pick up a  little bit of "valley girl" as some have pointed out!!
  I miss her already!  I wish she were not staying at Bartlett for three more weeks, but she needs the money and they need her help.  I am grateful to Camp Bartlett and for the leadership skills they have taught my kids.  Every one of my seven children have served there in various positions and have learned life's lessons every summer.
   Emily and I tried to figure out how to get the new California state outline on the blog, but we have not been successful.  Rachel was the artistic one who designed this blog for me before leaving and without her we are a little lost.  We may have to ask her in our weekly e-mail so we can put California in as our new missionary state.
   It's hard to believe that the boys have been out almost five months and Rachel is coming up on three months!  I know the time will pass quickly because it already has, and it won't be long until all four kids come home.  But honestly, how did we go from this:
                                                     
                                                                            1999

       to this!
                                                                           2013

For all you moms who think that childhood lasts forever, and that the days of crying babies will never end......all of a sudden they are all grown up, and childhood is but a fading memory.  I have a hard time remembering who did and said what!
    I have been told by many that the year with an empty nest may be a pleasant thing!  We shall see!
I am still trying to fathom that somehow I have four kids who all decided to serve a mission at the same time.  I did not see that coming, but I am so grateful for their righteous decision to serve the Lord.
I am almost ashamed to post anything about myself because I don't feel as if I am making a lot of headway in projects or personal growth.  But this is also a blog about the "fearful mom" and that would be me.  Somehow I can see this turning out to be the kids' journeys into service and spirituality and me staying stagnant.  I had a lot of projects listed for the summer, but so far I have gone to movies and lunches with friends.  I don't have a lot of money for the projects I want to do, but I have a little money for the movies and you can go to the cheap theaters for only three dollars!  Dorma and I have found you can eat fifty cent tacos and get a free senior drink at Del Taco, so hey, we are all into that! I could, however, organize and clean but you have to be in the mood, and I am still waiting for the right kind of mood, hah!
    Congratulations, Bethany!  I could not be prouder of you, and I wish you were here to celebrate.  Maybe we could get a cheap taco and see the three dollar movie!!

 
                                  Sister Bethany Taylor - California, San Fernando Valley Mission

                                          Sister  Rachel Taylor - Detroit, Michigan Mission

                                          Elder Mark Taylor - Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission

                                 
                                         Elder Matthew Taylor - Ohio, Cleveland Mission

Driving Miss Rachel

Rachel and her former Mission President and wife. 

I have not posted for awhile, and I do apologize!  I am ashamed to admit that I could not even get into my own blog because I forgot the password!!  I never write anything down, and I have different passwords for everything.  I think I can rely on my aging memory to file it all away, and alas, it has failed me miserably as of late.

   So....updates on those missionaries!   MARK--says that the Oklahoma Mission is the best mission in all of the world and he doesn't know why his mother said that a mission would be hard.....  He is helping translate in the ward primary for one of his nine year old investigators.  Does this mean he is learning to speak and understand Spanish?   He has finished the clean up from the tornadoes and is back to proselyting.  MATTHEW--says that the work is progressing, that he is getting very buff by biking hours every day.  He does not sound as enthusiastic about his mission, but this is Matthew.  We did hear all about his bike accident with a parked car.  Aside from some bruises and scratches , he is okay.   As babies, Mark would smile, and Matthew would frown.  I can tell who is who in all of their baby pictures by Matthew's furrowed brow, and Mark's delighted smile.  RACHEL-- Ahh, now here is a girl who is including all the details.  We get all her feelings, emotions and the desires of her heart--written as if she were here in person.  But, then she is a girl:D  She is now in Dearborn where they have opened up a new district.  She and her companion are traversing the streets and meeting new people every day even though they are both inexperienced missionaries.  She said they are both ditzy, but get along great.  Rachel is meeting all kinds of different people and loving the work.  Now for the part where we all gasped out loud!!  She is the designated driver!!

   For those of you who know Rachel, she did not get a driver's license until the age of 18.  She was afraid, and so were we as we witnessed her capabilities on the streets of Ogden.  We despaired that she would ever be able to drive, and finally paid a lot of money to A-1 driving school to take her driving.  We were too terrified to drive with her, and A-1 at least gets paid for being frightened.  At last she received her license after failing the test not once but twice, and she even bought a car last year.  Still, we cautioned her not to go on any "big roads" like highways?  In Dearborn she has to cross four lanes of highways and make Michigan lefts.  Apparently, these are left turns where you go through the intersection, make a u-turn and go back to the original intersection and make a right turn.  This is too complicated for Rachel, but she says she has been praying about it, and wants us to do the same. I do not know why Sister Orr does not drive, we can only surmise that she is even worse than Rachel.

    Last year, Rachel had a incident where she was pulled over by the Police.  She had been out late to her friend Kylie's apartment to make brownies and watch a movie.  It was raining hard when she left to come home, and she made a right turn instead of left and made for Layton.  She called in a panic, and we directed her to turn around.  We offered to come and get her, but she insisted she was all grown up and could surely make it home.  Somehow she got on the freeway, got off in Riverdale and crept past the Pep Boys going super slow and weaving just a bit.  Being emotional and being Rachel, she appeared to be under the "influence" when she was suddenly pulled over by the police.  She insisted that she had never drank or taken drugs, but took the breathalyzer test and tried to walk a straight line. (She has never been able to walk a straight line)  The officers then looked into the trunk of her car and back seat, finding the brownies she had made with Kylie.  "What are the ingredients in these brownies?" they asked her.....  She answered truthfully, "uh, cocoa, sugar, flour , eggs"....  Jerry and I were called, and they released Rachel into our custody.  We had to drive her car back as they would not permit her to drive.  The one officer said to Jerry "the test does not show she has been drinking, but we still suspect she is under the influence of something"!  Poor Rachel, and although she cried at the time, we have since laughed about the experience.  Rachel has shared this with all her friends, and it has become a funny "Taylor" story, so I am sharing it here.  Perhaps driving on her mission, buoyed up by the desire to do well will be another one of the many blessings Rachel will receive.  We are so proud of our missionaries and their righteous desires.  Bethany will hopefully receive her call this Wednesday, and we could not be more excited!!
 

Biking

Matthew and his companions just hanging.  

Mark and a new friend!

Mark contemplating his blessings while cleaning up in Moore. 

                                                  Sister Taylor and Sister Orr

                                                 
                                              Preach my Gospel

                                                      Our Rachel

Races

I feel I must preface my remarks here by saying I am not sure I have had any trials or tribulations in life that have threatened to kill me, however , I have had plenty that have brought me discouragement and sorrow.  Certain circumstances have caused me to feel as if I just couldn't wake up another day and face everything.  As I grow older, I see many tragedies in the world around me, and wonder about the strength of the people who must bear them.

I am so humbled by the stories of people who are fighting cancer, enduring the loss of a loved one, or the people in Oklahoma who have suffered the devastating effects of the tornadoes.  Mark is helping in the clean-up effort and I cry while reading the words written by my youngest son, "don't worry about me, I'm fine, but please pray for all the good people who are hurting here."  He says that every morning he gets up, puts on his safety glasses , mask, and gloves and heads out to work in the neighborhoods destroyed by the storms.  He says the city looks terrible and so many houses are completely gone.  He says that all you can see for miles is giant piles of garbage, bricks, and the remains of people's lives.  All the churches have come together to answer the call of duty and love.  Fema, Red Cross, Medical Reserves, and all the different church denominations are working side by side.  The Baptists have the best food, he claims!!

One of my dear friend's daughter-in-law has breast cancer.  She is young and beautiful, and has always eaten the right kinds of food, and has exercised daily.  She has four young children, and now must undergo a double mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation.  It is devastating for their family, but they are trying to have the faith and courage they need to combat this trial in their lives.

My nephew, Nathan, father of eight and husband to the wonderful Christina....has cancer.  I have been reading his blog lately, and am amazed by the faith he has and the desire to endure this lymphoma.  He is having chemo and will undergo a bone marrow transplant with the donor being his youngest brother, Jarom, who is 16 years old.  My brother has 11 children, with Nathan being the oldest and Jarom being the baby.  Nathan was such a good boy when he was little, and was always  such an example for his many siblings. Now he is the awesome father of a beautiful family of his own.  I read his words about faith, "I believe in many ways God gives us enough light to see our next step into the darkness, but not much more than that."  He says that the feelings he has is something that Heavenly Father has given him, and although we must have doubt to have faith, this is something outside of that, and he believes that he will be okay in the end no matter the outcome.  I sometimes think  it would be great to know everything about the next five years, so that we can prepare ourselves for the unpleasant things, and relax and enjoy the pleasant ones.  Seriously, not...

Adam ran 26 miles in the Ogden Marathon.  Well, maybe running is stretching it a bit.  It was his first race ( seriously, why did he not do the half-marathon??)  Being a non runner (I have a car, thanks) I was truly amazed at the people the who ran and completed the race.  It was cold, rainy, and it didn't look that much fun to me.  Yet, I was buoyed up in the excitement of it all, and waited for my son to finish the race.  I had doubts he would do so, as the time crept past five hours.  It was so joyous to see the runners come in and greet their family members.  There was sheer happiness, and triumphant hugs all around.  It was exciting to wait for each runner, and to look into their faces and witness their ability to "finish the race".  There were young and old, and some looked a little prepared than others, but in they came and crossed that race.  We, who stood waiting, were happy for them all.  I loved looking into the expectant face of the people who stood waiting for the people they knew.   There were wheelchairs waiting for those who looked as if they could not make that last stretch, and a first aid station waited nearby.

We worried as the time passed.  I wondered if perhaps Adam was not weeping in a bush in the canyon, but .....finally, in he came.  He was not running, but rather loping clumsily and dragging his leg behind him.  He was exhausted, but his eyes still bore the determination of one who had defied the odds, and the pain.  He looked victorious even as we hugged, and he muttered, "I feel like crap".  His feet were bleeding, and he painfully made his way to the first aid station.  This mother felt her eyes mist over, as she witnessed the end of his race.  He finished, and in the end, that was what mattered most.

Everybody who knows me knows I read everything by and about Helen Keller.  She defied the physical limitations that would have rendered most people incapable of doing most things in life. Instead, she became learned, traveled the world, impacted it in every way possible, and was happy. She said, "I am conscious of a soul sense that lifts me above the narrow, cramping circumstances of my life.  My physical limitations are forgotten-my world lies upward, the length and the breadth and the sweep of the heavens are mine!"

We must gird up our loins, dispel the doubt, and move forward and finish the race.  The only recourse we have, because not to do so would be unbearable.  I am so thankful that I believe in a higher power , an omnipotent God who knows us, who knows our trials, and who weeps when we weep. We are like the poet John Keats wrote,  "straining at particles of light in the midst of a great darkness".  Heavenly Father knew us before the earth was formed, and He knows us now.  He is waiting for us to finish the race and someday, we will all be home again.

Mother's Day 2013

    Ahh, it's over!!  Mother's Day--the day we all feel a little guilty for not being the perfect mom!  It was a good day, actually.  I received all my favorite things-- flowers,  a gift card for Italian food, and books!!  And....I saw all my kids, and talked to my missionaries who are absent from my home. Ben and Jess made a wonderful "CostaVida" dinner with sweet pork, cilantro-lime rice, black beans, pico de gallo, that really delicious green dressing and tortillas!  Yummy!!  Thank you,  guys!!

    For years now, I have not particularly cared for Mother's Day.  Many of my acquaintances feel the same way about it as I do, and are not shy about voicing their opinions.  Now that my beloved mother has been gone for 13 years, it is a yearly reminder (not that I need one) that she is not longer in my physical presence.  I miss her....everything about her.   She was my one true advocate when I was feeling like a lousy mother.  She was quick to point out everything that was good and decent about me, and I eagerly nudged her for more praise in my behalf.    I never felt like I quite measured up, and constantly bemoaned my ability to be as good as "other" mothers.  My lack of patience and housekeeping skills amongst all the other traits necessary for "good" mothering I thought I was deficit in--- constantly deteriorated my self esteem.  Each night I would pray to be the kind of mother I had always wanted to be, but found myself still severely lacking in the qualities I so desired.

     Somehow we got through the baby years, and as I watch Emily with sweet, colicky Ruby, I give thanks that I am no longer the mother of infants.  However,  that being said, I wish sometimes I could have a do-over.  Each mother's day I inwardly cringe that I am not the "exceptional" mother I still wish I could be.  Still, I believe I am loved for all that things that I am, and in spite of the things that I am not...and my kids do love me.  I know that ....even as I whine about the many shortcomings that are a part of me.  I am so beyond unorganized that I watch "Hoarders" just to feel a little better about my house and belongings.

    I think that as I focus less upon myself and more on others, I feel better about my own inadequacies.  When I leave this earth, it will not be my house that is remembered, my orderly cupboards, or my immaculate floors and pristine bathrooms.  It will be about me, and about the way I treated other people, and the friends I made throughout my lifetime.  It will be lessons I learned through interactions with all different kinds of people with varying experiences and problems that teach me and help to define my character.

 Fay Johnson, my mother, was that kind of person, and so was my father.  When my father passed away, all kinds of people from all kinds of walks of life greeted me at his viewing, saying "Thiel Johnson was a man without guile".  He loved people, and showed it through his service to them.  Fay Johnson talked to everyone, but more than that, she listened.  She was a huge source of comfort and solace for so many friends.  Alas, her housekeeping skills were also lacking.  But her heart was not, and she would rather talk on the phone with someone who needed advice or go for a walk with someone who was despondent than clean her cupboards.  She was not a PTA president.  She was not a civic leader, and she did not volunteer for endless committees.  She did not belong to sororities and bridge clubs, but she exemplified love and friendship every day that she lived by just being her.

   Perhaps I could have a cleaner bathroom AND friends, but I am trying to convince myself that a mother, a true friend,  a caring person does not have to be everything to be something to someone out there who needs to be uplifted.  To all of those who can do more than I--- I covet your skills.  Would that I could have them, but as I try to work on bettering myself,  I hope that you, too, will be gentle with yourselves.  Give yourself more credit for everything that you do right.

   A card came from Mark who told me how much he loves me, and said, "I love that I could always come and talk to you, even when you thought I was arguing".  (He does like to argue a bit)  Somewhere, sometime I must have done something good (Sound of Music song?)  because I have such good kids. I am truly grateful.

   I spoke to all my missionaries who are doing very well although it is not always so easy. Matthew loves Ohio, and Mark loves the people he is trying to talk to (Spanish is not so easy)  in Oklahoma. Rachel arrived in Michigan and  loves her trainer and companion, Sara.  Still, I cried just a little as I hung up the phone because I know it will be Christmas before I hear their sweet voices again. My mother would be so proud of them,  and I am sure she knows how they are doing  because every aspect of their lives was so important to her.

   I pay homage to my mother and to my mother-in-law who always tried their best and have a huge posterity and friends who love them.  JoAnn, (Jerry's Mom) said today that a Bishop  once said, "I don't understand why you and Jack have such good kids!"  I laughed, but I am married to one of her "good kids" and am thankful for all her efforts.  She, too, loves people and has always reached out to others.

   I guess I can try to stop coveting the organizational skills of others, and as I work on my own faults, learn to like myself in spite of them.  Happy Mother's Day to all the women who try so hard to make a difference.  I am hoping that in the grand scheme of things, that no one will care that weeds grew in my yard, or that my soup cans  tumble out of my cupboards when I open the doors.   Dorma, my couch is crooked,  my rug needs vacuuming, and no one has filled the dishwasher, but I am here for you:)

  I have so many great role models in my life of women who fill their lives so effectively and are always  doing for others.  I could not get through life with my friends, and the examples they are to me.  I think we are great, and just need to remind ourselves of how wonderful we are --a little more often!!

Another one bites the dust AKA Our little Rachel is all grown up

Sometimes I feel as I am living a dream where if I just go to sleep, I'll wake up and be living the life I thought about when I was a little girl.  I always wanted kids, and I was the one who got excited when I was able to add the blue and pink peg children to my plastic car in the game of Life.  Babies and kids intrigued me.  I wanted to rock babies and bake cookies, and I got that life.  Now, to be honest, there were the many moments where I thought, "Get me out of here", and actually went for the door when Jerry arrived home from work.  I have been thinking so much about the past lately that I had a dream where I was with my little babies, and the feeling was ever so sweet!!  I drank in their small faces, and my heart was melting with so much love.  I had forgotten their little voices,  and their tiny hands as they pulled at me for attention.  I didn't want to wake up because the feeling of being with my young children was heaven.  I guess I am now the mother of these adult children and although I love my personal time, I miss the craziness of raising a big family.   I look at my kids, and am so proud of their accomplishments, but I feel as if I am longing for their childhoods that are now past.  I can't seem to connect the babies I bore with the adult people I love today.  I loved them then, and I love them now although I wish I weren't so melancholy about it all.  Perhaps it is because I am saying goodbye for a time to another child.
   Rachel was completely adorable as a baby and a little girl.   She talked at an early age, and would sing "appy irthay oo you" at the age of 18 months.  She ate everything she could get her hands on, and if we couldn't find her, we just went to where the food was.....she would be completely happy as long as there was something to eat.  Go figure!!  Now she is the skinniest of all of us!!   Although we wondered if she still had her food fetish when she arrived home from Europe with pictures of her meals instead of castles!!
 She was as stubborn as they come, and when we tried to get her to perform her little songs or stories, she would say emphatically, "My doesn't want to!"  She wrote on every wall in the house, and those were the days of wallpaper.  She grew up loving art, books and photography, and always had an "artist's soul".  She is quiet but has a crazy side to her as well.  She is most certainly ditsy in an endearing way, and has obviously inherited my Attention Deficit Disorder.
  Rachel is stronger than anyone knows, and if she decide to do something, then it is the right thing to do.  She is opinionated about certain things, and nothing can sway her.  It is her strong testimony of this Gospel and her testimony of personal revelation that has led her to make the choice to serve a mission. She loves her Savior, Jesus Christ, and she is excited to talk about Him to the people of Michigan.
I know that this experience will help her to grow in ways that will enrich her life, and bring happiness to others that she will meet over the next few months.
   We packed tuesday night, (or should I say Dorma packed---I think we will have her over for Bethany's "packing of the suitcase" when she leaves!!  Rachel was in bed a little late that night, but as I did a few last minute things, I opened her door softly to see if she was still awake.  She was "out like a light" and on her back with her arms over her head like she did when she was a little girl.  The tears started to flow for me, and I knelt and kissed her on her cheek just as I did at bedtime when she was small.  She did not awake, and for a moment, I was transported back to other bedtimes years ago.  Then, I said goodbye just for the night knowing I would see her little face in the morning.  I shall not see her for awhile, but we raise our kids knowing all too well that they will someday spread their wings and fly from our little nest.  Hopefully, I taught her something, but I know she will learn so much more from  her experience.
    We took Rachel to MTC on Wednesday, April 24, stopping by Post Mart to drop off packages for Mitchell and to pick one up for Drake.  Rachel brought a jacket at Burlington Coat Factory and a cool study journal at the Sister's Missionary Store.  Then it was time....we took a couple of pictures at the temple, and drove down to the now all too familiar MTC.  We pulled over to the curb where her host,  "cannot remember her name sister missionary", introduced herself and a couple of enthusiastic Elders pulled the luggage from our car.  All too quickly, after a picture was snapped, she was gone....but looked back as she walked away from us for 18 months.  And this mother got to cry again,  because the pain of separation is real, but the smiles and  exuberant waves from those young people made me joyful in spite of myself.
   Our little Rachel is all grown up!!  God Speed, Sister Taylor!!  Until we meet again:)

                                                        

                                                       

                                            

   

                  My beautiful daughter, Rachel Lynn Taylor

Chinese Chicken Salad makes everything better

This last Sunday we heard Rachel speak in Sacrament.  She did a tremendous job, and we are so proud of her.   We snickered a little  as poor Brother John tried to lead us in an intermediate hymn.  Rachel beat him to the podium, and he patiently sat down.  However, he gamely tried to lead us in singing again afterwards, but the Bishop was eager to say a few remarks, and Brother John dejectedly sat down and gave up!

 Lately I have watching videos (all three of them) of the kids when they were little.  As is my nature, I don't keep up on much and we watch the same videos over and over again.  They serve to remind me that childhood is fleeting as is life, and we need to push "pause" and enjoy it more.  Two things came to mind as I watched these videos!  First--how cute the kids were, and secondly--how much thinner I appeared to be.  I was so startled by my younger, skinnier self that I almost could not pay sufficient attention to the images of my darling children.  And they were....Rachel, a cute little moppet with red curls and round blue eyes, and the boys, identical little tow headed demons.  Ahhh....I miss the babies they were, and now I see that I will someday miss the people that they are becoming now.

  Preparing for these busy Sundays are a little overwhelming to me.  I cannot remember what food item I  assigned to which person, and as I do not keep lists of any kind, must rely on my memory.  As most of you know, my memory is fading quickly as evidenced by the fact I sent 650 dollars for a bike to the wrong boy in the wrong mission!!

   Anyway, I digress from the most important part of the day---the Chinese Chicken Salad!  Rachel requested it for her after-the-talk-meal and I was only too happy to oblige.  Especially when my friend Alisa will fry all the won tons and rice sticks on her outdoor grill.  Thank you, Alisa, or should I say Megan, her daughter, who turned out nicely browned wontons, and perfect rice sticks.  This is a salad that was first introduced to me at a baby shower for Ben and Emily in our old ward in North Ogden.  I thought it was the most delicious thing I had ever ingested, and now it is a frequently requested dish.
I have added cashews and substituted Red Wine Vinegar and it is delicious.  Oh, and throw in extra sugar and freshly ground pepper.  I used to serve it in a huge stainless steel bowl passed down to me from my dear mother, but it disappeared.  Where did it go, you ask?  What a silly question----everyone who knows our household knows we have a black hole through which countless things have never reappeared.   I purchased another one, but it was not anywhere as good as our old one which not only held rolls and Chinese Chicken Salad, but served as a nice sled in the winter.

   As I got our new bowl out, I noticed it did not look as symmetrical anymore.  It had huge, misshapen dents everywhere on the bottom.  I wanted to muse on this mystery for awhile, but I was too busy.  When Rachel and Matt Roper came to eat after Sacrament meeting, they said something suspicious about the bowl, and I eagerly picked it up to point out the dented bottom.  They got a good laugh out of that as they told me the boys, now being nineteen years old, had used our "newer" bowl as a sled last February.  Obviously it had not held up nearly as well as the old one.  I may have to send a picture to the boys with no explanation added!!!

   Thank you to everyone who came and shared Rachel's special day.  I wish I had cleaned up the yard, and apologize to those of you who ate your food while looking at unmowed grass and a back yard that had been through a rough winter.  I hope the good food distracted you, and the "three hundred rolls" that Alisa turned out were extra wonderful.

  The only thing that would make the day more special is if we were celebrating Rachel's return to the arms of her loving family.  Yeah, I know....we are so excited about her new adventure, but a mother's heart dreads that last goodbye at the MTC---still to come!!!
                                    This one is for you Ben!!

                                 Rachel with Aimee

                                             oh why did I not clean up the yard?

                                    Bethany and Daniel mugging for the camera

                                   Our Rachel:)

Rachel and Kylie, friends forever

                                    Ruby will be older and maybe smiling when Rachel comes back!
                                      Or...maybe she is just like the rest of us, sad to say goodbye:(

 
                                     Bethany, Debbie and Rachel

   

Grandmahood

Matthew and Mark are uncles to a sweet baby girl named Ruby Fay Morris.  She was born on St. Patrick's Day at 2:07 in the morning, and I was present at her birth.  It was definitely one of the highlights of my life, even surpassing the birth of my own children! How is that possible, you ask?  Well, let me just say (a little reluctantly)  that I was so concerned with people, pain and anxiety, I could scarcely take it all in....   When Ruby was born, I witnessed her first breath, the blink-blink of her eyes, and the flailing of her tiny limbs as she struggled to take in the noise and light of her new world.  My babies were handed to me all snuggled up in a blanket, and it has always taken me more than a minute to adjust to any new change in my environment. I anguished over them even as I marveled at the miracle their arrival was....and wondered if I could provide them with everything they needed--physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I felt only excitement over Ruby's birth, and rejoiced in her safe arrival.
     Emily is a wonderful mother, and has immediately bonded with her sweet little daughter.  As she put it, "we are so much in love with this baby".  All is how it should be, and Emily, thank goodness, feels none of the anxiety I had with my babies.  She named the baby Ruby Fay because she and Layne like the name Ruby, and because she loved her Grandmother Fay D. Johnson.

 I wish to pay tribute to my mom who was an incredible example to me.  Because she was an exemplary grandmother to my children, I believe I can carry the torch high and strive to be that sort of grandma.  The kind of grandma who makes her home one of conditional love and a delightful place to visit as well.  Mom had a corner in her kitchen where grandkids cut, pasted, and colored to their heart's content.  She had a cookie jar that was always filled, and a freezer full of wonderful things to eat.  She played games, sang songs, and rocked babies.  Every holiday was special because Mom made it so.  She taught by word and example.  She was not perfect, but even her imperfections were endearing.  To know Fay Johnson was to love her.  I only wish that I , as well as my kids, had a few more years with her.

   I credit my testimony of the Gospel to my mother and father.  I want my legacy to be as my mother's was, to be there for the ones I love, and to inspire goodness in their lives.  Wow, I guess that means I will have to clean up my act and do better in my own life.  There is nothing like a new life coming into your family that motivates you to be a better person, to analyze the sort of things you could improve upon in your own life.  Believe me, there are many!!

    Ruby, we wish for every good thing that life has to offer, and are so honored to be able to watch you grow.  I hope that you do not live too far away, and that this Grandma gets to love you a little more personally than a visit or two  every year would allow.  Our Matthew and Mark will get to meet a big two year old when they return from their missions, as will Rachel who adores her already!!  We love you, sweet baby and wish we could snuggle you every day.

   I think that Ruby's Grandma Morris will be able to be the crafty grandma. Many grandmothers make or crochet for their grandchildren. My dear friend, Vickie, crocheted a darling little jacket for Ruby because she  knows I do not do that sort of thing. I have not made a quilt for sweet Ruby.  I have a wonderfully talented friend, MaryAnn, who is making her the quilt of a lifetime.  It will be amazing and will have some incredibly clever saying handstitched  onto it.  I detest making crafts of all kinds, but admire them and the people who make them.  Anyone who has ever watched me fumble at Relief Society Super Saturdays where they put together cutesy crafts know they are not my talent....  I have burned myself with the glue gun, melted Robin Barker's glasses with it,  mutilated my craft and my neighbor's creation.  Some of the sisters would come to those activities just to laugh themselves sick over my goof-ups.   If Jane Taylor was there, a good time was sure to be had!! I have yet to discover exactly where my talents lie, but I think I can be a good grandma, nevertheless.  

   Babies need love and I know I can provide that! I will not be sewing, crocheting, scrapbooking, or
painting odds and ends.  I hope  that someday I will read, cook and shop with her, and that she will love the "uncreative" grandma who is just as fun as the talented ones!  My legacy will be the time  I spend with her.

                                                           a few minutes old...

                                                           meeting mom

                                                        Ruby Fay Morris and Jane Taylor

                                                           Life is already exhausting!

                                              a week old, and a little more bright eyed

                                                          Is yellow my color?