Monday, February 25, 2013

Cleaning and Speaking and Eating

Yesterday Matthew and Mark spoke in Sacrament meeting.  They were the whole program as they added a wonderful musical number performed by their great friends.  Thanks to Sami Bingham who played magnificently as those talented young people sang their hearts out and rendered a heartfelt "Armies of Helaman/Sister's of Zion medley.  I started the meeting with dry eyes, but immediately teared up as Matthew, Mark and their friends begin singing.  I saw friends they had known since they were tiny.  I looked at friends who were getting ready to serve missions, friends who had been always been there for my boys.  In my mind's eyes,  I saw those children, once dependent on us, strong and independent now and ready to take their place in the world.  Rachel stood with her brothers as one who is preparing to leave for her mission in April, and my heart begin melting as I memorized every detail of my kids.  Eyes were shining and their testimonies were borne as they proclaimed truth even as my own eyes spilled over.
   The last few weeks, I have scrutinized their faces as they talk and laugh.  It reminds me of when they were babies, and I couldn't get enough of looking at them, and taking in every little detail.  I certainly can't kiss their size fourteen feet, (nor would I want to) or nuzzle them under their sweet little chins that can become a little stubbly with hair,  but they will always be the babies I rocked to sleep.  This will never change, and I mourn the little children I now miss who have grown into such tall, handsome young men.
   But, yeah, they still show their kid side, and most of the time that is okay with me.  I want to feel like I can still be the mom even if the mom has to snarl at them every now and then.  I will miss the noise and chaos that was our house this last Sunday.  There were a lot of friends lining up to eat in our small house.  People were everywhere, and I even spotted a few kids hanging downstairs by the cat box!  How pathetic is that!
    I am used to preparing huge amounts of food, but I am not so good at putting things in order.  Dorma, my next door neighbor and forever friend, brought over her nifty 1,600.00 vacuum to do all my carpets and rugs. Now, anyone who knows us well,  knows we could be putting someone through college or taking a family trip to Europe with all the money we have spent on vacuums.  We don't want to spend a lot all at once, so we have bought several through the years, and they always break down.  It seems less painful to put a couple of hundred dollars towards cheap vacuums every year than to buy something that actually works.  I don't even want to add up the money we have wasted. Suffice it to say, we just use Dorma's beautiful vacuum when we get frightened at the accumulation of dust our stupid appliance doesn't seem to be handling.
   I don't want people to think we are hoarders or something.  We wash our hands when we prepare food, and all of our cats are accounted for...(wait, didn't Nipper go missing last October?)  I think I really will start a vacuum fund.  It helps that we have laminate flooring and tile,  but it's time!!  So, I digress because I write much the same as I talk...my thoughts wander.  This is not an English paper, it is my blog and this is me.
   Thank you, Alisa, for your delicious pulled pork for the sandwiches.  Thanks to everyone who bought such good salads, cookies and brownies.  I managed to make mexican caviar, potato and jello salad, but I really couldn't have done it without everyone's help.  Poor Gayle came to eat, and spent much of her time backed into a corner making nice cuts in the rolls for the pulled pork.  I feel loved, and I am never quite sure why people step in to help me. I think I must appear especially pathetic.  This after-the-talk luncheon is the "Bar Mitzvah" of we mormons when our children prepare to go out into the world and its' success is important!
    We are going to St. George on Wednesday for one last "little" trip with the "faithful" four and I am looking forward to having everyone smooshed together with no distractions. I was thinking Spring would be trying to come down there, but at any rate it has to be warmer and have less snow than here!
 


 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Soup Night

We have a family tradition that is only five years old, but has seemed to have been around forever.
Soup Night takes place on the third week of every month at my mother-in-law's house.  JoAnn, who is a wonderful cook, usually makes a pot of soup and a salad.  She coordinates the rest of the food by calling her daughters and her daughter-in-law, (me) and we invite whomever can make it that week.
Someone gave her a plaque that says, "Grandma's house, where cousins go to become best friends."
     The soup is always good, and we get to try out new recipes all the time.  Jackie is a great cook and everything she makes is really good.  I usually make my rolls, but it could be salad or soup as well.
Oh, we have tried a waffle or potato bar, but it usually comes back to soup and salad.  It's easy to dish up, and we enjoy just chatting with each other about the month's events. 
     I made rolls and chicken noodle soup tonight, and Jan made clam chowder.  Jackie made a delicious  cheese and broccoli, and Kathy brought some really good banana bread with mini chocolate chips in it, YUM!!  Then you have a few babies and kids running around and it makes for a nice end to a Sabbath day.  The older I become, the more I realize it is all about family.  Especially now that I don't have extended family around me and have been an orphan these past twelve years.  I love that Jerry's family has accepted me as one of their own.   I am a little strange at times, but seeing as his family is also a little odd, I fit right in!!
    We like to invite other people in to share, and tonight my friend and co-worker came to visit.  Jed went on a mission to Portland and speaks beautiful spanish.  I wanted him to talk to the boys as they will both be stateside, spanish speaking as well.  He brought his friend, Derica, and they both ate quite a few of my rolls.
      Ross and Joy came with Kate, their three year old, and their fourteen months twins, Jack and Sophie.  They are becoming quite a handful, and are so fun to watch.  It brings back happy? memories of when my twins (both sets) were that age.  It seems a blur now because I can hardly think of being able to take care of the craziness that comes with double babies, let alone the other kids.  Joy is doing a great job, and Ross really rises to the occasion and helps out.  Joy said tonight that the babies are mini-me's....Jack is Ross, and Sophie is Joy.  I took pictures of them tonight with the boys and Rachel because this could very well be their last soup night for awhile.
     I took pictures because I again wanted to capture the memories.  My baby twin boys holding Joy's twins.  I become so very melancholy because life goes by in such a blur.  I am starting to feel like I am fast forwarding everything and don't have time to push the pause button.  I hear Mark on the piano, and I want to run for the video camera.  Who knows when I will hear that piece again?  When will I hear Matthew play his violin and accompany Mark on some really cool piece where they are improvising?  I am so not good at capturing memories.  Yeah, I know some of you out there have dvd's and flash drives meticulously labeled.   I do not.  I don't get smart phones, and hard drives and tablets.  I     am not organized, or technologically savvy.  I am trying to become better so that my kids don't roll their eyes at me, and hiss under their breath, "Mom!, I have showed you this a hundred times!" Heck, I don't even scrapbook!  The kid's baby pictures are under the bed in assorted shoe boxes.  It's been so long I can't always identify kids.  I get them out periodically and peer at them, finally tossing them back.  I am easily defeated, and become way overwhelmed at the thought of putting them into any recognizable order let alone labeling them.  People have said, "just scan them into the computer!?  Oh , puleeeze!!!
This is me, and I do not scan.  I am still trying to find time to look at the top shelf in my bedroom.  It's been so long that I don't remember what is up there, and I am waiting until my curiosity is a little greater.  Because...right now...I don't care so much, and I don't dust what I can't see!!
    And so..my memories are the ones I create at events like soup night, and talks with kids way into the night. Family prayers where we talk about who brushed the cats last, and why we have them anyway.
Trips to Bear Lake where we walk to LeBeau's for a raspberry shake on a hot summer evening.
All those library trips years ago to try to develop a love of reading.  Saturday matinee at the movies, and 
Sunday chocolate chip cookie making.  
    I must remember that life is all about making new memories, but I am having such a hard time relinquishing those old ones to the scrapbook of my mind.  I am not sure I can pull them out whenever I want to, and I am reluctant to move on to this new phase of my life.  
  Here's to the soup night's of the future, and the many memories waiting to be made.  I will hold forever the sweet remembrances of the past and tuck them into my heart to be brought out on another cold winter's day.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Baby Shower/Family pictures cause anxiety

Okay, now I am honery because I just erased a nice, long post?  Can I duplicate that?  Probably not...but here goes!!
  I am not a party person.  I do not like being around lots of people, although I am fond of talking to strangers.  I am not fond of organizing and conducting parties of any kind.  It causes me anxiety.  I have to clean my house (major anxiety) make food (small anxiety because I like cooking) and send out invitations (which I lose).  That being said, I needed to have a little shower for Emily.  My daughter is having a baby girl next month.  Baby Ruby (dare I hope, Ruby Jane) will be my first grandchild.  We are beyond excited.  We are also stressed because people are leaving on missions, people are working and never home, and money is a little tight.
    Have I ever mentioned I have a ton of wonderful people in my life?  Yes, I am so fortunate to have many talented friends who know how inept I am, and will come to my aid.  Debbie Sherry, creator of the world's best chicken salad, made me sandwiches.  Suzanne Colvin, my wonderfully organized friend, bought my paper supplies and made me cookies with a B for Baby, and some party favors.  Jessica Taylor, my creative and interior decorator daughter-in-law put together some cute decorations and bought fresh flowers. (no worries, Jess, about the helium balloons dying!) Carly Taylor, my other daughter-in-law, arrived early to help, and sat patiently for two hours writing down guests and presents.  Bethany and Rachel cleaned and ran last minute errands!
  It was a great shower, and Emily got some fabulous gifts.  Thank you everyone for coming!  I had a difficult time deciding who to send a invitation to because everyone I know is a friend, but showers make me feel as if I am soliciting gifts.  Which, in essence, is correct!  Saturday was not the best day for the shower because it snowed, Dora Curtis had her funeral, and I tried to pack into too many other activities.  
   Dora Curtis, our friend and ward member, passed away at the age of 96.  She was one of the most remarkable people I have ever known.  I expect to have her visit me when she is up a few levels in the hereafter.  She worked until just a few years ago, was to church a short time ago, and loved life and lived it to the absolute fullest.  She knew everything there was to know about music and last month was in front of us in her wheelchair leading us in song in Relief Society.  I am sorry to have had the shower on her celebration for her homecoming to heaven, but I am sure she would have loved the fact we were partying just up the street from her.  She was such an example for enduring to the end and making the most of it.  We love you Dora!  She made it to Emily's wedding shower, and I am sure would have loved to have partied yesterday, although I am sure she is attending several celebratory get-togethers in the spirit world. 
  Emily looks ready to pop with just five weeks to go!  We are anticipating the departure of two boys to the Mission Training Center next month, and the arrival of new baby Ruby!

   We needed to work in a little more anxiety for the day, and so I scheduled family pictures.  We are not always together at the same time, so in spite of Dora's funeral and the snow, we were going for it! Ben has been a whiner since the age of nine months, and did not disappoint on Saturday.  We all trudged up to Beus Pond to meet the fabulous photographer Amy Herrick, of Amy Herrick Photography.  Check out her blog! She is another good friend who makes me feel incompetent in lots of ways.  More on Amy later!!  Sorry, Amy, if you are acquainted with me, then you are talked about!
She texted me that upon arriving at the pond, she was immediately hurtled into a Hitchcock Horror Flick where ducks and geese were surrounding her car.  I giggled, thinking she was exaggerating just a bit.  When we got there, it was no exaggeration, believe you me!!  Wow...about 90 ducks and geese (small exaggeration) were honking and quacking and following people.  I believe they were expecting food.  As we slid down an icy slope and went to stand near an icy pond for our pictures, they followed us flapping huge wings.  Ask Amy for her Geese impersonation, it is really good.  We kind of wanted them in the family picture for a little novelty, but they saw a woman with a small dog coming down the path and went to terrorize her instead. Then a man with duck food came to cause additional havoc, and the geese got a little vicious.  You could really see the "pecking order" as some of the giant ones nipped at the smaller, shyer ones.
 
I wanted some last family pictures of everyone because we have four of the family leaving soon.  Although next month they will be outdated with the arrival of Baby Ruby, I hope that we have fond memories of a snowy February day where we laughed together.  I will post the pictures when they are ready, hoping they will not look too odd, being that we are not the picture perfect family. Perhaps we can go for the "awkward" family photo website.  (your skills are great, Amy , but you can only do so much)  Oh, and yes, we know, Ben and Jess, you are the photogenic members of this family!!
    A day of anxiety was actually a fun day, and as the day of departure for Matthew and Mark draws a little closer, we hope they remember it as a fun day too!!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

My last birthday pre-missions

So....I am 57 years old today.  I don't feel any different than last year, or ten years ago.  Hmmm.
I hope I have improved in some ways, but no, I haven't lost the weight,  or gotten into shape, and still struggle with the same old habits.  Still, I am grateful for the insights I have gained through the years, for the friendships I have maintained and developed, and for a good family who loves me in spite of my shortcomings.
    School was a lot of fun.  I took cupcakes for all the kids, and they were most appreciative.  I got lots of hugs, a bunch of homemade cards that were hysterically funny and poignant at the same time and heartfelt wishes from friends and family.  Thank you everybody!!  I feel loved.
     I ordered pizza tonight after piano lessons, and everybody came over.  Now, I must confess something.  As I gazed fondly at my brood and commented, "It is soo nice to have all my kids together"---- Jess, my daughter-in-law, reminded me gently that Emily was not there...
  Oops...I guess I really am starting into dementia.  I love Emily more than anything.  She is giving me my first grandchild next month.  I pray for her nightly, yet forgot for the moment she wasn't in my living room.  Sorry, Emily!!  We are holding a baby shower for you on Saturday.  You were missed once I realized you were not present!!!
   It was great to have everyone together although Ben likes to have rousing debates, where he rules as "one who knows".  I think he should go into politics.  He was advising the younger kids on mission dos and don't among other controversial subjects which I will refrain from talking about here.  Suffice it to say, he is knowledgeable about a great many things and leads a lively discussion.
   I have been feeling a little nostalgic lately about every occasion being the last for a while, and tonight was no different.  The boys are living up their final few weeks and hang out a lot with friends.  It's not as though I expect us all to sit around and sing kumbaya together, but I rather thought that the boys could spend more time at home.  Matthew is tired from working at Deseret Mills and does go to bed earlier and Mark is still dishing up ice cream at Farr's.
   On Sunday, Bethany bore a powerful testimony of the Gospel, and I was again reminded of how special she is and how she inspires me to be a better person.  She commented on the fact that it would be the last Fast Sunday that we were all together.  Next month, we are hoping to go to St. George with the four kids for a few days before the boys leave on March sixth.  Still, I remain in denial that it is just a few short weeks until we send them off for two years.  I have lots of trepidation about that day, but I know that we will be so blessed for their desires to serve missions.
   I have tried to tell them how hard it will be, and that it will not always be the adventure they are looking forward to....   I have had two missionary sons, and they came home with strong testimonies.  They did, however, have lots of trials and doubts.  They grew so much during those two years, and we, at home, grew from having them serve the Lord.
  My friend Alisa has a son, Drake, who will be leaving in a week for the MTC.  He will be serving in Russia and couldn't be more excited.  Alisa and I commiserate together about the range of emotions we will feel when sending our babies off for two years.  Drake is her oldest and my boys are my youngest. It is equally as hard for both of us.  As mothers, we have nurtured these boys for the last eighteen or nineteen years, and it is hard to relinquish that job even as they grow into adulthood.
  Tonight I felt just a little bit of satisfaction as Adam told me something I told him back in High School.  He said there was a kid on the swim team that kind of bugged him.  He suspected that he was gay.  The boy was lonely, and a little obnoxious.  I told Adam to go out of his way to show love and friendship to this boy as he was a child of God.  "Just because he is different, doesn't mean you should treat him in any less of a way that you treat anybody else."  Everybody is different in one way or another.  Adam said he has always remembered that!  Wow!!  Maybe I did say something worthwhile now and then.  I don't remember the incident at all....
   I will miss my kids, and their friends.  I will miss the laughter, the mess, and the complete chaos that exists in my home 24 hours a day.  I won't miss coming out partially dressed to their friends eating at my kitchen table in the morning!!
  The next month will be very busy.  Part of me wants to stop time for just a little while and hold off the inevitable, but even as I turn 57 years old and mourn my old life, I know that the future holds great things for the ones I love.